Friday, December 7, 2007

     Lucy is two months old today.  It's hard to believe so much time has gone by already!  The past few weeks have been especially fun as my energy has returned and nursing has gotten easier.

     As you can see, I never got around to writing the birth story and updates here have been sparse.  For the first six weeks I was just trying to get through each day.  The delivery went great and Lucy was a very good baby, but nursing was very painful and I got three (four?) infections.  I don't know what went wrong - I was very careful about positioning her correctly, I drank plenty of water, I hung out in my pajamas for two weeks, and I took a good nap almost every day.  Despite my precautions, I became cracked and sore and I dreaded every feeding.  I found that the Genevan Psalter version of Psalm 6 was often running through my head and I would sing it to myself in the middle of the night:

Chide me, O Lord, no longer
Nor chasten me in anger
In mercy hear my groans
O Lord, see how I languish
Heal Thou my bitter anguish
For troubled are my bones

My soul is troubled greatly
O hasten Thou to aid me
Why dost Thou tarry Lord?
Turn back and show Thy favor
Me in Thy love deliver
According to Thy word!

How can the dead adore Thee
Or bring their thanks before Thee
Or praise Thy holy Name?
I'm weary with my moaning
Worn out with constant groaning
And overcome with shame.

All night, instead of sleeping
I drench my couch with weeping.
With grief my eyes grow week
Since foes with hate surround me
And without ceasing hound me
My ruin they all seek.

The Lord heard when I pleaded
And my appeals He headed
The Lord did heed my cry
He heard my supplication
My plea for consolation
And with His help is nigh.

     For a few weeks all I could do was try not to think about the next time I'd have to feed the baby.  It's very sad when your baby turns to you in hunger and you get a terrible sinking feeling of dread.  When Lucy was three weeks old I realized that I hadn't been looking at her very much because I was always taking deep breaths and psyching myself up for putting her on.  It was hard not to feel bitter against her for causing me so much pain!  I had to remind myself that I was sticking it out because I love her.  God the Father was willing to give up His only Son because of His love for us and my experience in pain and sacrifice gave me a fuller understanding of the depths of that love.

     Because nursing her was so hard, I took special joy in the times when I got to rock her to sleep or give her a bath.  I wasn't in pain during those times!  When her little, pink body was submerged in the warm water and her head - covered with dark, damp hair - was resting on my hand, I was able to remember why it's all worth it.  And later, when she was dressed in some cozy outfit, snuggled sleepily on my chest, I would thank God for my little blessing.

     Around week seven the pain was better on one side and when she turned eight weeks old, I could say that it was all gone.  "The Lord did heed my cry!"  Now that it doesn't hurt anymore, nursing is even more of a pleasure.  And it feels so good to not have the weight of dread hanging over me all day.  My mind is free to think about making something special for dinner, writing a Christmas letter, organizing the basement, keeping up on the laundry, and best of all, enjoying each of these precious moments with Lucy that go by so quickly.

Tissues in the Night

     At 4:00 in the morning, the night was cold and dark as the baby began crying hungrily.  With a groan of dread, her mother awoke, fighting off the fog of sleep and grabbing a rag to catch milk that was leaking.  "It's going to hurt!  It's going to hurt!" she was muttering to herself.  But she didn't have to go through it alone.  Her husband - mostly asleep himself - climbed out of his warm bed and gently lifted the squirming infant.  Instead of rolling over and drifting back into peaceful slumber after delivering the bawling bundle, he reassured his weeping wife that yes, she could get it over with one more time.  He laid a hand on her knee while mother and baby shed many tears.  When the baby - relieved to be getting her warm milk at last - was sucking contentedly, he told the mother, "Good job," and handed her a tissue.  Unable to help himself, he was soon snoring softly until he felt the uneasy fidgets and heard the groans of grief that meant it was time to nurse on the other side.  "I can't do this!" she was saying.  Secretly, he was thinking that formula was sounding like a pretty appealing option, but instead of saying that, he replied reassuringly, "Yes you can.  You have to."  After half a dozen more tries, the baby latched on and he made sure the box of tissues was within reach.

     When the baby was back in bed, full and content, the mother, relieved to be done with that ordeal until next time, gratefully lay back down next to her sleeping husband.  She put her hand on his and said, "Thank you; I couldn't have done it without you." 
 

Fewer Movies, More Books
   Books to read in 2007

Amanda's Short Stories...
NEW! Go Back to Sleep, Baby
Amy's Math
The Importance of Fathers
The Little Yellow Dress with Blue Flowers

...and Book Reviews
The Golden Age,
     Kenneth Grahame
Horatio Hornblower series,
     C. S. Forester
Kim, Rudyard Kipling
Reforming Marriage,
     Doug Wilson
Story of the Trapp Family Singers,
     Maria Trapp
So Much More
     Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin
Stepping Heavenward
     Elizabeth Prentiss

Links
Exodus Provisions
Karen's Cookbook
Choosing Home
Stoos Gallery
Walker Gallery
Jal Duncan Photography

...Etc.
January 24th, 2006
     The Birth Story
     A Letter to Joshua
December, 2005
     Christmas Letter
March 5th, 2005
     Bridal Shower

     If you have any questions, comments, corrections, or communications, I can be reached at "amanda at exodusbooks dot com".